And think about this: usually Canadian cities double for American cities, but in this movie, Vancouver is identified as Vancouver. I think Canadian's gonna say, "Hey, why don't you go home, and fight, fight each other in an American city?
I hated, hated, hated this movie
Isn't there some kind of jurisdictional problem? It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way. The visuals are grubby and drab. The characters are unkempt and have rotten teeth. Breathing tubes hang from their noses like ropes of snot. The soundtrack sounds like the boom mike is being slammed against the inside of a gallon drum. The plot Some movies run off the rails. This one is like the train crash in The Fugitive. I watched it in mounting gloom, realizing I was witnessing something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies.
It's like spending two hours in the intergalactic town dump with a lot of people who need a bath and a trip to the dentist. There's just no joy in Battlefield Earth. This movie is not fun. I think, although I am not sure, that the movie thinks the extreme stupidity of Terl is amusing. I mean, here's one of the leaders of a conquering race and he doesn't even know what kind of food humans eat. Travolta is a charming actor, but not here, not as Terl, hiding behind a sneer, a lot of hair, and those weird nose tubes.
I seem to recall from Willard , last summer's big rat movie, that Willard trained Ben to heel, beg, roll over, play dead and sic Ernest Borgnine. Not bad for a rat. But when did Ben learn English? It takes Berlitz six weeks of intensive training to get a French businessman to the point where he can proposition a girl on Rush St. She can leap like a cat, strut around on top of her furniture, survive great falls and hiss. Berry looks great doing these things, and spends a lot of time on all fours, inspiring our almost unseemly gratitude for her cleavage.
She gobbles down tuna and sushi. Her eyes have vertical pupils instead of round ones. She sleeps on a shelf. The movie doesn't get into the litter box situation.
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What does she think about all of this? Those are first rate. Everything else in this movie is unbelievably bad. This is a really bad movie! There is no chemistry between Benjamin Bratt and Halle Berry, none, none. I mean, it's a good thing that it's PG and the love scene was offscreen because it probably would have been boring, except for the scratch he gets, of course.
I was just amazed that they took a potentially interesting character like Catwoman and did so little with it! This movie is truly bad!
I urge you to avoid it. Don't make the mistake of thinking it's 'only' a horror film, or a slasher film. It is an exercise in heartless cruelty and it ends with careless brutality. The movie denies not only the value of life, but the possibility of hope. One victim is eaten by flies. A young girl is possessed by a devil, and Constantine shouts, 'I need a mirror! At least three feet high!
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Leather-clad neo-Nazis stalk through the ruins, beating each other senseless and talking in Pulpspeak, which is like English, but without the grace and modulation. It's cold in the future, and it's wet, but never so cold or wet that the costumes do not bare the arm muscles of the men and the heaving bosoms of the women. They are so dumb, in fact, that they have had to learn to speak the English language by watching old AIP exploitation movies, and their dialog is eight years out of date.
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They talk like Frankie Avalon trying to pass for hip, translated from the German. Count Khorda for such is his name makes them a proposition: 'Would you like to trade a lifetime of petty passions for an eternity of ecstasy,' They would, I guess. Well, wouldn't you? I wonder if those speeches were inserted after the filmmakers realized how phony their special effects look. Every time we see the ship, it's absolutely immobile in the midst of churning waves. This is a question frequently asked in The Devil's Rain and, believe me, frequently answered.
Picture it this way: All the good things of life are on one side of a sheet of plate glass, and you're on the other, and it's raining on your side, bunky. Actors stand around in ridiculous costumes, mouthing dialogue that has little or no context. They're not even given scenes that work on a self-contained basis; portentous lines of pop profundity are allowed to hang in the air unanswered, while additional characters arrive or leave on unexplained errands.
Dune looks like a project that was seriously out of control from the start. Sets were constructed, actors were hired; no usable screenplay was ever written; everybody faked it as long as they could. Some shabby special effects were thrown into the pot, and the producers crossed their fingers and hoped that everybody who has read the books will want to see the movie. What, after all, can a druid really do to you, apart from dropping fast-food wrappers on the lawn while worshipping your trees? Yes, I am, I'm going to be funny. This is the first horror movie in which a chainsaw is used against a tree!
She has one of those rich voices that makes you wish she had more to say and in a better role. But watch her, too, in the reaction shots: When she's not talking, she's listening. She has a kind of rapt, yet humorous, attention that I thought was really fetching. Too bad she plays her last scene without a head. It is simply a series of ugly and bloody episodes strung together one after another like a demo tape by a perverted special-effects man.
There is nothing the heroines can do to understand or change their plight and no way we can get involved in their story. That makes Hellbound: Hellraiser II an ideal movie for audiences with little taste and atrophied attention spans who want to glance at the screen occasionally and ascertain that something is still happening up there. If you fit that description, you have probably not read this far, but what the heck, we believe in full-service reviews around here.
You're welcome. Actually, though, it plays more like a Compact Disc than it does like a movie, especially if you have one of those CDs that you can program in any order. I love the names of the characters in this movie, by the way. They're named Kirsty and Tiffany. I love them because this is another one of those movies where they say the names WAY too often, over and over again. Just until the audience is almost tempted to start shouting "Tiffany!
Or to continue the monotony. For example, in 20th century slasher movies, knife blades make a sharpening noise when being whisked through thin air.
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In the 21st century, large metallic objects make crashing noises just by being looked at. There was no reason to produce it, except to make money, and there is no reason to see it, except to spend money. It is a dead zone, a film without interest, wit, imagination or even entertaining violence and special effects. Parents: If you encounter teenagers who say they liked this movie, do not let them date your children.
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This one recycles the same material into one of the worst movies of It's a chaotic and truly lame-brained zombie movie about an evil corporation that once again opens up its secret lab and once again releases a virus that once again inspires lots and lots and lots of shots of zombies getting their brains blown out. And where the local equivalent of a Nubian princess is sent into the chamber of the Earth visitors, to pleasure them.
Don't tell me there aren't any coincidences. The movie Ed Wood , about the worst director of all time , was made to prepare us for Stargate. It backfired when Siskel pointed out he didn't have Godzilla kill his character or the Expy of Gene plus that film got worse reviews than Emmerich's other movies up to that point and helped keep Godzilla in a niche alongside the movie monster genre until , and this may have been a factor in Ebert putting Stargate on the Most Hated List when it was created in ; Ebert's review of Godzilla is further down on this page.
It's a flimsy excuse for a plot, with characters who move below the one-dimensional and enter Flatland. The whole enterprise is a "Shaggy Dog" Story , and in a way, it is all secrets. To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore.
Betty Blue "Typists will enjoy the typing scenes, in which she makes typing errors, causing her to throw away countless copies of Page 1, and then has the whole manuscript typed in no time. This is the way typing is thought about by people who always use yellow legal pads themselves.
It figures. At the end of that one they were still searching for Noah's Ark — never found it. At the end of Beyond and Back we're back, all right — but were we beyond? It's about a young girl and a young boy who are shipwrecked on a beautiful Pacific Island. It shows how they grow up, mostly at sunset. It follows their progress as they discover sex and smile sweetly at each other, in that order. It concludes with a series of scenes designed to inspire the question: If these two young people had grown up in civilized surroundings, wouldn't they have had to repeat the fourth grade?
It has to be seen to be believed — something I do not advise.